Yesterday my brother would have turned 41. David always thought he'd be an only child and loved me from the moment I came home. He was 6 and he spent the rest of his life thankful that I was his sister. Even though his life was governed by addiction, he had a golden heart. David would help you. He would give you the shirt off his back. He was never too busy for someone who needed him. Addiction breaks families because you hurt everyone around you while you take yourself down. He hurt me. He hurt my Mom. He hurt my Dad. He hurt himself. He couldn't stop. Even though 20 years of drug use eventually ended his life, he was a great person when he was sober. I didn't talk to him much for a long time. I thought I was protecting myself. Now, I deeply wish I'd held my hand out longer and more insistently. He would have loved knowing that his birthday is the same day we found out that our family might be completed. I did not have the maturity to understand his problems. Now that I do, I don't have regrets, just unfulfilled wishes about what I could have done. Hindsight is an amazing thing. He has been gone for 5 years this November and I have no doubt that he is watching us, trying to help his baby sister chase her dreams.
Today I went back to the endocrinologist to keep testing and tying up loose ends before my hysterectomy. I am being poked and prodded for everything, yet no one has a clue why my body simply will not function. Tomorrow I will have a dozen vials of blood taken to run 27 tests on my hormones. It's unlikely to be figured out. It's still possible that we will be able to freeze eggs. I don't know if that will turn into anything. I don't know if adoption will fail us and we need to save and try surrogacy. I can't stand the heartache of another miscarriage from my body or from another holding my child in their belly and heart. It has been a year and a few days since the last one and my heart only stopped being heavy recently. I can't do anything about what we've been through. What I can do is refuse to let it hold me down.
Every set of eyes that reads our story gets us one person closer to finding our shooting star. Please comment, share, and help finish a family forever.
-A.
About Me
- The McCann's Want To Adopt
- Hi! We are the McCann's. Our names are Ben & Anna. We are a loving family in Las Vegas, Nevada looking for an infant or young child to adopt. Baby makes 4! Our blog will outline the process we go through to finish our family through adoption. It's going to be honest. It's going to be hard. It's going to be obtrusive. We are publicly sharing our story because word of mouth has always been the most effective way to find a child that needs their forever family.
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