9/15/2014

Today, I woke up energized. I was alert, confident, and ready to tackle the world. My eyes sprang open and beckoned me to jump up and join the birds singing outside my door. I leapt out of my bed, tangled both legs beautifully in the covers, and came crashing down to my floor. At that moment I wondered why I couldn't fly. Then, I realized my dreams are vivid, I was still in my pajamas, and that I was not stuck in a Disney movie after all. Reason came back to me and I rolled over, grunted a few times, and drug myself into the land of the living (and off the floor). Maybe I didn't learn to fly today, that doesn't mean I won't learn tomorrow.

Now, the first thing that I do every morning is start checking my email. We're chained to our electronic leashes of tweets, status updates, and FML's. We have this little piece of magic that brings Dr. Google to our fingertips to solve any problem we have, real or perceived. This becomes more prominent when you are waiting on something important. Have you ever tracked an important package obsessively? Got excited about a new chapter from an author you love? Waited on a reply from someone you love? Well, when you are waiting to find your forever child you might as well be a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Every day until THE DAY, we wait, wondering when we'll hear important news that changes our lives forever.

We have a huge network of people cheering us on and trying to help us find our shooting stars. It makes my heart big to see donations and messages rolling in. I get goosebumps when someone shares their success stories or fear about adoption. Knowing that we are making a difference, educating, and promoting finishing families is a great way to start my day. I want to be someone who makes things happen. I strive to be the person that can be counted on to lead others and cut through the bull$hit and red tape. I want to know what has worked, failed, or brought people together. Today, email wasn't a great way to start my day. Today, email was a lesson in the hurry up and wait that every person who chooses adoption will go through. There were no emails. There were no cheerleaders. It was just us, starting another day.

Adoption pauses your life at undetermined moments that are our of your control. There is no schedule or listing. You aren't given notice. Sometimes your entire existence will just stop while you wait for the best phone call of your life. There is nothing you can do about it. Your entire life falls into an agencies definition of what needs to happen, and when. Those moments can rip your heart apart, or you can savor the quiet. You can roll the pause around in your mind and be thankful that even though you are so far away, you are closer than you were yesterday. Today is about learning to be patient. Today is about learning to be thankful for the road that leads our children home.

I choose happiness. I choose to be thankful. I choose to have faith. I choose to be still. Today, I wait.

-A.