Adoption Scammers

Sadly, adoption scammers are a real thing. Since our journey began we have been contacted several times by people claiming to have pregnancies or young children to adopt. In all those cases, there was no child and no pregnancy.

As part of our adoption journey we have been forced to join resource groups that share stories about these men and women. They usually keep their stories similar and reuse details. Adoption Advocates and adopting families turn the tide, and band together to share information so that the scammers can't negatively impact our amazing families. We go post the details of the involvement to help others see the red flags.

There are two primary kinds of adoption scammers.

1. Financial Scammer - There is a pregnancy, they will enter arrangements with you and accept financial assistance and cost of living expenses with no intention of adoption. They plan to parent their child but will use you to fund their lifestyle in the mean time. They begin their financial requests immediately after finding you, and are often working together in groups. They are usually extremely easy to work with in the beginning, and then their stories start to fall apart.

2. Emotional Scammer - These are usually women who contact adopting families to mess with them. Some times it is a man pretending to be a woman. There is rarely an actual pregnancy or adoptable child. They want to make you cry, ask for detailed emotional explanations, and rarely ask for cash. They want to be taken care of or loved and will fake a pregnancy to try to have strangers be nice to them while they perpetrate despicable fraud.

Protect your family and always trust your gut. Listen when they speak, don't give away any personal information, and write things down. Also, refer them directly to your social worker or attorney and do not make any arrangements prior to verifications.
 

Hi Village!

We have continued to plug away at our homestudy paperwork. A homestudy sounds like a very simple thing. It sounds like someone comes to your house, looks around, and decides whether or not you are worthy to foster or adopt. It's a very deceptive title due to the 30 steps, and obscene amount of paperwork that is involved. It has taken us just over a month to tick off a handful of paperwork items on our task list. #28 is the item that is the actual Homestudy. The items in bold have been completed. We must attend our application interview next to proceed to finish our task list. We have completed 18 of 30 steps.

1. Upload Photo
2. Pay Application Fee ($1,000)
3. Pay Technology Fee ($150)
4. Application Interview
5. Register for Adoptive Parent Preparation Class
6. Update Placement Preferences (after class)
7. Types of Adoption
8. Autobiography for Applicant 1
9. Autobiography for Applicant 2
10. Medical Assessment for Applicant 1
11. Medical Assessment for Applicant 2
12. Pediatric Medical Assessment
13. Home Safety Standards Checklist
14. Marriage Certificate
15. Divorce Decrees (if applicable)
16. Child Adoption Decree or Birth Certificate
17. Financial Disclosure
18. Income Verification
19. Fee Agreement
20. Print Background Check Instructions
21. Fingerprint Waiver
22. Print and Sign Fingerprint Release (Applicant 1)
23. Print and Sign Fingerprint Release (Applicant 2)
24. References
25. Directions to Home
26. Pay Homestudy Fee ($2,500)
27. Confirm All Homestudy Tasks and Documentation Submitted to Agency
28. Home Visit and Interviews
29. Review Sample Birthparent Letter
30. Upload Birthparent Letter. 

Chucktober: Day 31

Chucktober Day 31: Thats it kids. We've reached the end of our converse yellow brick road. You've seen my rainbow, heard some of my secrets and know all the different shoes I wear for different roles in my life. This project has backfired several times, forced some hard realizations and has been eye opening for me. I've been very uncomfortable speaking candidly to people I didn't think were paying attention. Now I know what I mean and how far I reach...and also how insignificant I sometimes am. Thank you for watching me try to become something better than I was.

These are my Big Bird shoes. I bought them to wear with my little boy on Halloween. There will never be anything more important than remembering to have fun with my child. This is a life well lived.

Chucktober: Day 30

Chucktober Day 30: People in love are disgusting. They fawn all over each other, making smoochy noises and saying saccharin sweet things like "no, you hang up". People in new love are even worse, making personal decisions based on a galloping libido and daydreams of happily ever after in gingerbread houses. However, it worked out for me because when my husband's heart started to go pitter pat like a freight train he bought his very first pair of Converse. Even worse, he bought me a matching pair.

My husband was drinking the kool aid and I was right there alongside him. I wanted to figure out how to really love someone and it's always been him. He's the right one. The one made for me.

My husband is always on my mind and walks with me in my heart. Benjamin fits, just like our ridiculous matching shoes.

 (I am surprised that almost all of these posts from 2 years ago are still relevant, accurate, and feel the same.)

Chucktober: Day 29

Chucktober was a posting experience I originally did in 2012. I am reposting all of them as we sell my collection on eBay. This is for raising funds, adoption awareness, and support for strong families.

Chucktober Day 29: My pink chucks are covered in mud. They still have remnants of all the hard work Ben and I put into our Whittier house. They have been through dirt and paint and projects. My pink chucks sat at the back slider to slip on to go outside with the dog or pull some weeds. They were there when the air conditioner went out during record heat and I had to hose down the dog (and myself). They were there the first time my dog couldn't get up by herself after a nap in the yard. They were there when our dumb fluffy cat got caught in a bush across the ditch and needed rescue. These chucks sat by the door every time I went to the hospital and every moment I laid on the couch with my hands across my belly praying Buffalo would be born healthy and safe. I stared at them for months, always just hoping it would be better soon.

These shoes still sit by the back slider in this house. Then theyll sit at the next house. And the next house. I'll never knock off the dirt, the dog hair, or the memories. These shoes hurt me because they exist but I am no longer me without them

(P.S. I was right. Those are still covered in mud, sitting by the door).

Chucktober: Day 28

Chucktober Day 28: Yellow chucks are really hard to find. I like yellow a lot and once in a while I find a pair with yellow details. These great pastel blue chucks are lined in lemon yellow and came with blue and yellow laces. They're like the sky and sunshine. I also like that I found them for $19.99 on zappos and their shipping is always free. I also like colored sidewall details like this has. There isn't anything special about these, just another Easter egg color hunt pair for my rainbow.

Chucktober: Day 27

Chucktober Day 27: Today we don't have shoes with a memory. We don't have shoes I've ever touched. Today we have the image of the custom chucks my husband ordered me for my birthday. I have coveted a pair of leopard print chucks for a very long time, but I'd never thought about adding orange (which I like, a lot). These are my brand new leopard print chucks with orange stitching, orange and black sidewalls and orange laces. My husband got me the most poignant and thoughtful gift possible at this time. Thank you for memories Jamin.

(I've included a photo and post from the day these were received)

My husband knows that the way to my heart is straight through my feet. My birthday chucks are here and perfect! Thank you Bebe!

Chucktober: Day 26

Chucktober Day 26: I like philanthropy. I like donating money, objects, time and thought to charitable causes. I'm a natural born capitalist which means most often I donate cash. I usually have one or two things on my amazon list that donate to a cause but I never buy them. I don't like purchasing tangible objects for donations, it's just a weird quirk I have.

I had a best friend for over a decade. Now I don't. He bought these for my 27th birthday in 2006, just after I had spent 6 months imploding my life. These converse were part of the Inspi(red) movement from the time. They are covered in birds in flight. I like the symbolism but I hate the memory. It was a very kind gesture and showed a lot of thought and caring. Now it just stings.

I didn't want to put these on because I don't want to talk about my friend. I thought he was my brother and a friend for life. I was wrong.

Chucktober: Day 25

Chucktober Day 25: These are unusual chucks. They are black soled with red sidewall details, brown canvas, heraldic shadow print in a lighter brown and black lace grommets. These are also one of my newest pairs. I purchased them on the cheap to replace one of my favorite pairs from high school. These shoes don't have great memories yet, but they are a placeholder for all of the good times I had wearing their predecessors. I wore through those shoes walking around my hometown before I got a car. I wore them to school dances, almost lost them in Beyer Park, had them on most poetry nights at J Street Cafe and took my driving test in them. It wasn't a happy portion of my life, but those shoes still brought me great joy. Life isn't always beautiful, but you can always find moments that are. Be good to your shoes and they'll take you wherever you want to go.

Waiting...and good news for friends

Hi Village,

We sent a note to the facilitator for the most recent birth Mom yesterday, sending our well wishes for birth Mom and the family she had chosen. It's important to support everyone, even when it isn't us. We were shocked when we received a message saying that birth Mom hasn't chosen yet. We are still being considered and will wait patiently until we hear something definitive.

Today we had a bright ray of sunshine. A family we care about finalized their adoption today. Today isn't going to be about us. Today is about them. So, for today, can you take all those great prayers, happy thoughts, and love you've been giving us and shower it on them instead? The universe, god, yahweh, whomever...knows exactly who they are. Today is their day. Today makes forever.

Love only multiplies.

-A.

Chucktober: Day 24

Chucktober Day 24: Converse calls this color Aruba Blue. I call it Tiffany Blue. It matches those beautiful little bags perfectly. These were a consolation prize (and preference) for all the pieces of jewelry from Tiffany that won't fit me without ugly extensions. In addition to huge feet I also have huge hands, wrists and neck. I love this color and will have a lot more fun with these chucks than I ever would with a bracelet or necklace. It also goes nicely with all my colorful socks!

(All Chucktober posts are reposts from 2012. We are resharing and will be posting these shoes on eBay at the end of October to add to our adoption funds).

No news is...bad news?

Hi Village,

We haven't heard anything from the birth Mom or facilitator from the weekend. The child had already been born, and usually that creates a very quick series of events. Since we have not had to spring into action, it's unlikely that we will. I sent the facilitator a note this morning telling her that we assume birth Mom has found excellent folks for her son, and that we are excited for the new family. We will always cheer on the players of this game, and successful adoptions will get standing ovations. Our family cheers, laments, and celebrates trials and tribulations. Every step that an adopting family takes will get them closer to finding their child, the one who is meant to be with them. We share information, support, and sometimes we are going to end up helping other people find their children before us. Someday, we hope that someone chooses to help us in that way too. We are thankful for all adoption angels, supporters, and kind hearts who want to assist our journey. We need you.

Though we are excited that a little boy found his family, we are also a bit sad. Adoption can take a emotional toll on families that are waiting. You have to make sure you maintain the right attitude, speak your ills, and learn to move on towards progress. In this case, progress means bringing our child home in our arms. We don't know when that will be. We have had 4 legitimate situations presented to us so far, and have had no matches or contracts. We have never spoken with a birth mother directly or exchanged direct messages with anyone. Our social worker says this is normal and that it will likely stay this course until we find the one. Once our birth Mom finds us, everything feels fast but there are still no guarantees until that child comes home to us. There is now way of knowing when that will happen. I don't say IF because defeat simply is not an option.

We have finished 19 of our 30 steps in our Home Study. The rest of our steps are just waiting on scheduling availability, or can't be completed until we have a match. We are raring and ready to go, working on our family profiles, and finishing up pictures for our book. Each day we do a bit more, and each day we get one step closer to catching our shooting star.

-A.

Chucktober: Day 23

These are my favorie chucks of all time. They are velvet and leather, rare, and extremely hard to find. 

Repost from October 2012: ---This one was hard for me to repost today, in 2014. It has been over a year since my last miscarriage and it took at least six months to really feel like we were okay. We thought we would conquer our reproductive demons through fertility treatments and have many biological children. We were wrong. That isn't how we are meant to finish our family. ---

Chucktober Day 23: Do you have a pair of shoes that makes you feel awesome? I have several, but these are special. These are my pimp shoes. They are maroon velvet with black leather stripes. I put them on my feet and feel like I'm rad.

Today I need to feel rad while I sit in the Reproductive Endocrinologist's waiting to get stabbed and then wait for a phone call this afternoon.Today we find out if we're ready to start our last round of trying to have another baby. I need a lot of happy thoughts today to try to keep my fear of failure at bay. Wish me luck!

Chucktober: Day 22

Chucktober Day 22: These are my Bob Ross happy little clouds chucks. They are the color of a perfect sky. My favorite part of these chucks are the gray and black contrast strips on the sidewalks. There is also a dark grey detail stripe where the canvas meets the toe cap. There is no special story, no deep meaning and I didn't wake up introspective today. Today they are just shoes.

Chucktober: Day 21

Chucktober Day 21: I woke up at 5am because I heard my dog having a bad dream. She was abused before she came to us and often had to be woken to escape dreams of the bad people. I never begrudged her needing assistance to get away from her demons. Today was only strange because it's been 3 months since she died. I finally moved her bed to the garage a few days ago and almost everyday I hear her or feel her near. I miss her.

There has been a velvet bag on my mantle for 90 days. It's embroidered with "until we meet again, across the rainbow bridge". I knew it was just packaging but I hadn't been able to bring myself to open it. I keep trying to imagine that I'm not still heartbroken over my dog. I keep imagining that she's getting a bath or enjoying the cooler weather in a bright patch of sun in the yard. None of its true. She's gone and I hurt.

This morning I finally had the stones to pull the drawstring free. My eyes are still overrun with tears at the kindness of people who never knew me, but knew just how much we loved our dog. Now I have Tessa's footprints and a note telling me how much she loves me. Don't worry Momma Dog, I already knew that. You were always my girl.

Today has nothing to do with shoes. It's about loving your family, with shoes or without.

Chucktober: Day 20

Chucktober Day 20: I get a big thrill when I find a pair of girl colored chucks in my size and price range. When I ran across these lavender beauties I knew they had to come home with me. I wear these all the time because I love the color. They remind me of butterflies.

P.S. That is Magnolia, the wonder cat.

Chucktober: Day 19

Chuctober Day 19: Today has been weird. Some jerk in a parking lot dented my car and didn't leave any info, my Dad told me that we're amazing parents and offered money for more fertility rounds if needed, everyone in Las Vegas today drove like a tool and my Mom got on a plane and went home. Everything today felt a bit strange and I didn't like it.

My husband, Benjamin, calls these my Chi Phi chucks. They match his fraternity colors perfectly and they make him smile. Much like today, most of the Chi Phi guys also make me feel a bit strange. Luckily, I like them. Here's one for the homies.

Chucktober: Day 18

Chucktober Day 18: I've spent the last 18 hours thinking about my relationships. I've been thinking about how I interact with different people (or groups of people) and what I allow them to see. I've thought about the different compartments I shove people into and how I'm eager to move on once I no longer have a proper storage slot for them. I've thought about all of the people I've loved and lost to death or distance. I've thought about all of the people who've loved me without anything in return. I've thought about all of the people who I've let down and all the missed opportunities to be a good example. I've also thought about all the people who I am very glad are gone and the people I've needed to let go of much sooner. Sometimes we need to embrace what we enjoy and make sure that the things that unnecessarily burden our souls go away.

These Chucks are my Lorax chucks. They are awesome and they make me smile. They have nothing to do with my story except that these soles make me happy.

Chucktober: Day 17

Chucktober Day 17: They're teal, they're neat, they were cheap and they fit perfectly. These pair are also in my constant rotation (and need some rubbing alcohol attention). I bought these for $10 on clearance last fall because I'd never seen the color. Then they turned into the shoes I was wearing when Buffalo, our son, finally learned to walk. I've tried to figure out a way to attach all of these memories physically to the shoes so time doesn't fade the clarity but I haven't figured out how to do that and also still wear them. Chucktober has helped me realize that I have a lot of great memories and that tangible history is one of my favorite things ever.

Chucktober: Day 16

Chucktober Day 16: When I was a kid I always wanted black on black converse. I usually got everything I wanted but for some reason these never happened. The black on blacks are never on sale and can be hard to find in a store front. About 2 years ago I used credit card rewards points to get these puppies for free and at a discount. I feel like they are special occasion shoes and usually only wear them at night. I guess that makes these my go to heels!