Adoption Scammers

Sadly, adoption scammers are a real thing. Since our journey began we have been contacted several times by people claiming to have pregnancies or young children to adopt. In all those cases, there was no child and no pregnancy.

As part of our adoption journey we have been forced to join resource groups that share stories about these men and women. They usually keep their stories similar and reuse details. Adoption Advocates and adopting families turn the tide, and band together to share information so that the scammers can't negatively impact our amazing families. We go post the details of the involvement to help others see the red flags.

There are two primary kinds of adoption scammers.

1. Financial Scammer - There is a pregnancy, they will enter arrangements with you and accept financial assistance and cost of living expenses with no intention of adoption. They plan to parent their child but will use you to fund their lifestyle in the mean time. They begin their financial requests immediately after finding you, and are often working together in groups. They are usually extremely easy to work with in the beginning, and then their stories start to fall apart.

2. Emotional Scammer - These are usually women who contact adopting families to mess with them. Some times it is a man pretending to be a woman. There is rarely an actual pregnancy or adoptable child. They want to make you cry, ask for detailed emotional explanations, and rarely ask for cash. They want to be taken care of or loved and will fake a pregnancy to try to have strangers be nice to them while they perpetrate despicable fraud.

Protect your family and always trust your gut. Listen when they speak, don't give away any personal information, and write things down. Also, refer them directly to your social worker or attorney and do not make any arrangements prior to verifications.
 

Hi Village!

We have continued to plug away at our homestudy paperwork. A homestudy sounds like a very simple thing. It sounds like someone comes to your house, looks around, and decides whether or not you are worthy to foster or adopt. It's a very deceptive title due to the 30 steps, and obscene amount of paperwork that is involved. It has taken us just over a month to tick off a handful of paperwork items on our task list. #28 is the item that is the actual Homestudy. The items in bold have been completed. We must attend our application interview next to proceed to finish our task list. We have completed 18 of 30 steps.

1. Upload Photo
2. Pay Application Fee ($1,000)
3. Pay Technology Fee ($150)
4. Application Interview
5. Register for Adoptive Parent Preparation Class
6. Update Placement Preferences (after class)
7. Types of Adoption
8. Autobiography for Applicant 1
9. Autobiography for Applicant 2
10. Medical Assessment for Applicant 1
11. Medical Assessment for Applicant 2
12. Pediatric Medical Assessment
13. Home Safety Standards Checklist
14. Marriage Certificate
15. Divorce Decrees (if applicable)
16. Child Adoption Decree or Birth Certificate
17. Financial Disclosure
18. Income Verification
19. Fee Agreement
20. Print Background Check Instructions
21. Fingerprint Waiver
22. Print and Sign Fingerprint Release (Applicant 1)
23. Print and Sign Fingerprint Release (Applicant 2)
24. References
25. Directions to Home
26. Pay Homestudy Fee ($2,500)
27. Confirm All Homestudy Tasks and Documentation Submitted to Agency
28. Home Visit and Interviews
29. Review Sample Birthparent Letter
30. Upload Birthparent Letter. 

Chucktober: Day 31

Chucktober Day 31: Thats it kids. We've reached the end of our converse yellow brick road. You've seen my rainbow, heard some of my secrets and know all the different shoes I wear for different roles in my life. This project has backfired several times, forced some hard realizations and has been eye opening for me. I've been very uncomfortable speaking candidly to people I didn't think were paying attention. Now I know what I mean and how far I reach...and also how insignificant I sometimes am. Thank you for watching me try to become something better than I was.

These are my Big Bird shoes. I bought them to wear with my little boy on Halloween. There will never be anything more important than remembering to have fun with my child. This is a life well lived.

Chucktober: Day 30

Chucktober Day 30: People in love are disgusting. They fawn all over each other, making smoochy noises and saying saccharin sweet things like "no, you hang up". People in new love are even worse, making personal decisions based on a galloping libido and daydreams of happily ever after in gingerbread houses. However, it worked out for me because when my husband's heart started to go pitter pat like a freight train he bought his very first pair of Converse. Even worse, he bought me a matching pair.

My husband was drinking the kool aid and I was right there alongside him. I wanted to figure out how to really love someone and it's always been him. He's the right one. The one made for me.

My husband is always on my mind and walks with me in my heart. Benjamin fits, just like our ridiculous matching shoes.

 (I am surprised that almost all of these posts from 2 years ago are still relevant, accurate, and feel the same.)

Chucktober: Day 29

Chucktober was a posting experience I originally did in 2012. I am reposting all of them as we sell my collection on eBay. This is for raising funds, adoption awareness, and support for strong families.

Chucktober Day 29: My pink chucks are covered in mud. They still have remnants of all the hard work Ben and I put into our Whittier house. They have been through dirt and paint and projects. My pink chucks sat at the back slider to slip on to go outside with the dog or pull some weeds. They were there when the air conditioner went out during record heat and I had to hose down the dog (and myself). They were there the first time my dog couldn't get up by herself after a nap in the yard. They were there when our dumb fluffy cat got caught in a bush across the ditch and needed rescue. These chucks sat by the door every time I went to the hospital and every moment I laid on the couch with my hands across my belly praying Buffalo would be born healthy and safe. I stared at them for months, always just hoping it would be better soon.

These shoes still sit by the back slider in this house. Then theyll sit at the next house. And the next house. I'll never knock off the dirt, the dog hair, or the memories. These shoes hurt me because they exist but I am no longer me without them

(P.S. I was right. Those are still covered in mud, sitting by the door).

Chucktober: Day 28

Chucktober Day 28: Yellow chucks are really hard to find. I like yellow a lot and once in a while I find a pair with yellow details. These great pastel blue chucks are lined in lemon yellow and came with blue and yellow laces. They're like the sky and sunshine. I also like that I found them for $19.99 on zappos and their shipping is always free. I also like colored sidewall details like this has. There isn't anything special about these, just another Easter egg color hunt pair for my rainbow.

Chucktober: Day 27

Chucktober Day 27: Today we don't have shoes with a memory. We don't have shoes I've ever touched. Today we have the image of the custom chucks my husband ordered me for my birthday. I have coveted a pair of leopard print chucks for a very long time, but I'd never thought about adding orange (which I like, a lot). These are my brand new leopard print chucks with orange stitching, orange and black sidewalls and orange laces. My husband got me the most poignant and thoughtful gift possible at this time. Thank you for memories Jamin.

(I've included a photo and post from the day these were received)

My husband knows that the way to my heart is straight through my feet. My birthday chucks are here and perfect! Thank you Bebe!

Chucktober: Day 26

Chucktober Day 26: I like philanthropy. I like donating money, objects, time and thought to charitable causes. I'm a natural born capitalist which means most often I donate cash. I usually have one or two things on my amazon list that donate to a cause but I never buy them. I don't like purchasing tangible objects for donations, it's just a weird quirk I have.

I had a best friend for over a decade. Now I don't. He bought these for my 27th birthday in 2006, just after I had spent 6 months imploding my life. These converse were part of the Inspi(red) movement from the time. They are covered in birds in flight. I like the symbolism but I hate the memory. It was a very kind gesture and showed a lot of thought and caring. Now it just stings.

I didn't want to put these on because I don't want to talk about my friend. I thought he was my brother and a friend for life. I was wrong.

Chucktober: Day 25

Chucktober Day 25: These are unusual chucks. They are black soled with red sidewall details, brown canvas, heraldic shadow print in a lighter brown and black lace grommets. These are also one of my newest pairs. I purchased them on the cheap to replace one of my favorite pairs from high school. These shoes don't have great memories yet, but they are a placeholder for all of the good times I had wearing their predecessors. I wore through those shoes walking around my hometown before I got a car. I wore them to school dances, almost lost them in Beyer Park, had them on most poetry nights at J Street Cafe and took my driving test in them. It wasn't a happy portion of my life, but those shoes still brought me great joy. Life isn't always beautiful, but you can always find moments that are. Be good to your shoes and they'll take you wherever you want to go.

Waiting...and good news for friends

Hi Village,

We sent a note to the facilitator for the most recent birth Mom yesterday, sending our well wishes for birth Mom and the family she had chosen. It's important to support everyone, even when it isn't us. We were shocked when we received a message saying that birth Mom hasn't chosen yet. We are still being considered and will wait patiently until we hear something definitive.

Today we had a bright ray of sunshine. A family we care about finalized their adoption today. Today isn't going to be about us. Today is about them. So, for today, can you take all those great prayers, happy thoughts, and love you've been giving us and shower it on them instead? The universe, god, yahweh, whomever...knows exactly who they are. Today is their day. Today makes forever.

Love only multiplies.

-A.

Chucktober: Day 24

Chucktober Day 24: Converse calls this color Aruba Blue. I call it Tiffany Blue. It matches those beautiful little bags perfectly. These were a consolation prize (and preference) for all the pieces of jewelry from Tiffany that won't fit me without ugly extensions. In addition to huge feet I also have huge hands, wrists and neck. I love this color and will have a lot more fun with these chucks than I ever would with a bracelet or necklace. It also goes nicely with all my colorful socks!

(All Chucktober posts are reposts from 2012. We are resharing and will be posting these shoes on eBay at the end of October to add to our adoption funds).

No news is...bad news?

Hi Village,

We haven't heard anything from the birth Mom or facilitator from the weekend. The child had already been born, and usually that creates a very quick series of events. Since we have not had to spring into action, it's unlikely that we will. I sent the facilitator a note this morning telling her that we assume birth Mom has found excellent folks for her son, and that we are excited for the new family. We will always cheer on the players of this game, and successful adoptions will get standing ovations. Our family cheers, laments, and celebrates trials and tribulations. Every step that an adopting family takes will get them closer to finding their child, the one who is meant to be with them. We share information, support, and sometimes we are going to end up helping other people find their children before us. Someday, we hope that someone chooses to help us in that way too. We are thankful for all adoption angels, supporters, and kind hearts who want to assist our journey. We need you.

Though we are excited that a little boy found his family, we are also a bit sad. Adoption can take a emotional toll on families that are waiting. You have to make sure you maintain the right attitude, speak your ills, and learn to move on towards progress. In this case, progress means bringing our child home in our arms. We don't know when that will be. We have had 4 legitimate situations presented to us so far, and have had no matches or contracts. We have never spoken with a birth mother directly or exchanged direct messages with anyone. Our social worker says this is normal and that it will likely stay this course until we find the one. Once our birth Mom finds us, everything feels fast but there are still no guarantees until that child comes home to us. There is now way of knowing when that will happen. I don't say IF because defeat simply is not an option.

We have finished 19 of our 30 steps in our Home Study. The rest of our steps are just waiting on scheduling availability, or can't be completed until we have a match. We are raring and ready to go, working on our family profiles, and finishing up pictures for our book. Each day we do a bit more, and each day we get one step closer to catching our shooting star.

-A.

Chucktober: Day 23

These are my favorie chucks of all time. They are velvet and leather, rare, and extremely hard to find. 

Repost from October 2012: ---This one was hard for me to repost today, in 2014. It has been over a year since my last miscarriage and it took at least six months to really feel like we were okay. We thought we would conquer our reproductive demons through fertility treatments and have many biological children. We were wrong. That isn't how we are meant to finish our family. ---

Chucktober Day 23: Do you have a pair of shoes that makes you feel awesome? I have several, but these are special. These are my pimp shoes. They are maroon velvet with black leather stripes. I put them on my feet and feel like I'm rad.

Today I need to feel rad while I sit in the Reproductive Endocrinologist's waiting to get stabbed and then wait for a phone call this afternoon.Today we find out if we're ready to start our last round of trying to have another baby. I need a lot of happy thoughts today to try to keep my fear of failure at bay. Wish me luck!

Chucktober: Day 22

Chucktober Day 22: These are my Bob Ross happy little clouds chucks. They are the color of a perfect sky. My favorite part of these chucks are the gray and black contrast strips on the sidewalks. There is also a dark grey detail stripe where the canvas meets the toe cap. There is no special story, no deep meaning and I didn't wake up introspective today. Today they are just shoes.

Chucktober: Day 21

Chucktober Day 21: I woke up at 5am because I heard my dog having a bad dream. She was abused before she came to us and often had to be woken to escape dreams of the bad people. I never begrudged her needing assistance to get away from her demons. Today was only strange because it's been 3 months since she died. I finally moved her bed to the garage a few days ago and almost everyday I hear her or feel her near. I miss her.

There has been a velvet bag on my mantle for 90 days. It's embroidered with "until we meet again, across the rainbow bridge". I knew it was just packaging but I hadn't been able to bring myself to open it. I keep trying to imagine that I'm not still heartbroken over my dog. I keep imagining that she's getting a bath or enjoying the cooler weather in a bright patch of sun in the yard. None of its true. She's gone and I hurt.

This morning I finally had the stones to pull the drawstring free. My eyes are still overrun with tears at the kindness of people who never knew me, but knew just how much we loved our dog. Now I have Tessa's footprints and a note telling me how much she loves me. Don't worry Momma Dog, I already knew that. You were always my girl.

Today has nothing to do with shoes. It's about loving your family, with shoes or without.

Chucktober: Day 20

Chucktober Day 20: I get a big thrill when I find a pair of girl colored chucks in my size and price range. When I ran across these lavender beauties I knew they had to come home with me. I wear these all the time because I love the color. They remind me of butterflies.

P.S. That is Magnolia, the wonder cat.

Chucktober: Day 19

Chuctober Day 19: Today has been weird. Some jerk in a parking lot dented my car and didn't leave any info, my Dad told me that we're amazing parents and offered money for more fertility rounds if needed, everyone in Las Vegas today drove like a tool and my Mom got on a plane and went home. Everything today felt a bit strange and I didn't like it.

My husband, Benjamin, calls these my Chi Phi chucks. They match his fraternity colors perfectly and they make him smile. Much like today, most of the Chi Phi guys also make me feel a bit strange. Luckily, I like them. Here's one for the homies.

Chucktober: Day 18

Chucktober Day 18: I've spent the last 18 hours thinking about my relationships. I've been thinking about how I interact with different people (or groups of people) and what I allow them to see. I've thought about the different compartments I shove people into and how I'm eager to move on once I no longer have a proper storage slot for them. I've thought about all of the people I've loved and lost to death or distance. I've thought about all of the people who've loved me without anything in return. I've thought about all of the people who I've let down and all the missed opportunities to be a good example. I've also thought about all the people who I am very glad are gone and the people I've needed to let go of much sooner. Sometimes we need to embrace what we enjoy and make sure that the things that unnecessarily burden our souls go away.

These Chucks are my Lorax chucks. They are awesome and they make me smile. They have nothing to do with my story except that these soles make me happy.

Chucktober: Day 17

Chucktober Day 17: They're teal, they're neat, they were cheap and they fit perfectly. These pair are also in my constant rotation (and need some rubbing alcohol attention). I bought these for $10 on clearance last fall because I'd never seen the color. Then they turned into the shoes I was wearing when Buffalo, our son, finally learned to walk. I've tried to figure out a way to attach all of these memories physically to the shoes so time doesn't fade the clarity but I haven't figured out how to do that and also still wear them. Chucktober has helped me realize that I have a lot of great memories and that tangible history is one of my favorite things ever.

Chucktober: Day 16

Chucktober Day 16: When I was a kid I always wanted black on black converse. I usually got everything I wanted but for some reason these never happened. The black on blacks are never on sale and can be hard to find in a store front. About 2 years ago I used credit card rewards points to get these puppies for free and at a discount. I feel like they are special occasion shoes and usually only wear them at night. I guess that makes these my go to heels!

New Birth Mom - 10/20/14

We had an excellent long weekend of fun. Daddy was out in the field and Little Dude and I had a great time snuggling, spending time together, and having adventures. I am thankful for all the moments with my son. We don't just live, we make memories.

We also had an unexpected birth Mom appear on the scene. A friend sent me a note over the weekend introducing a birth Mom and baby boy into our lives. A friend of my friend is helping a birth Mom find her son's parents. We sent over a letter and a copy of our blog, facebook, and twitter. We maintain a very open presence so that when situations like this arise, it's easy for someone to take a look at us in a very non committal way. Birth Moms can give us a gander, and discount our family without us ever knowing. Or, birth Mom could have read any of our pages and fallen in love in a heartbeat. Until the moment happens, we will never know how our child found us.

The third party facilitator says we are exactly what the birth Mom is looking for and that birth Mom has our letter and info. I wonder if being adopted and also a birth mother will help me here. Does understanding of what she feels mean we are the right people to raise her son? I have no way of knowing. I am trying desperately not to get excited, but my heart simply won't listen. Is our journey about to be over? We don't know yet. This is how adoption happens. Lightning strikes, everyone falls in love, and a family is made. Adoption doesn't mean you bring home a child. Adoption means you bring home an entire biological family in your heart. We are ready for our shooting star to find us, and until then, we wait.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!

Happy Saturday Village! Who got the title reference? I'm psychic. I bet if you did understand, you were born before 1989. Was I right? If you don't know what I'm talking about, then these are not the droids you're looking for.

I will catch up on Chucktober and some other family happenings Sunday evening. We are having adventures and hanging out this weekend. We have a lot of fun on our plate. It started off great and we are having a great time. I often love living in Las Vegas because of the vast range of activities and cultural exhibits we have at our fingertips. There are always things to do, places to learn, and locals discounts!

Thursday night we hit the Las Vegas Foodie Fest at The Linq. It is in a much better spot now, but parking could be a problem. People were trawling for spaces as we were leaving. We arrived early and most of the parking was full. Little Dude and I rode janky carnival rides all night long. He got to stay up way past his bedtime and we had fun. My son likes rides, roller coasters, and big sensory experiences. He has no fear. That little boy wanted to try the Gravitron. He exceeded the height and weight requirements. He is old enough to be able to express his wants and be allowed to make recreational choices. Folks, we went on the Gravitron. We were the only people on it and the operator and I were both looking at him the entire time. We went slow. He held my hand and had a blast. Then he was done, we stopped immediately. I asked him if he liked it. Little Dude looked me in the eyes, smiled beautifully, and said "No, Momma. I didn't like that at all." He was so happy that he tried something new and big that he did not even care that he didn't have fun. Having a literal child means I have free comic relief almost constantly.

We are busy bees. I will talk to you soon friends. Thanks for being here.

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

I understand that not everyone shares their pain. Some wrap it up in a tight little ball and keep their secret dark spot to themselves. I am not one of those people. Each of our 4 lost children should be honored. They were deeply loved, regardless of how long they were in my body before they moved to my heart.

Chucktober: Day 15

 (In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

 

Chucktober Day 15: Did you know that October 15 is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day? Well, now you do. Take a minute to think about all the parents who will never hold their babies today. It's a lot of people and even if you never knew it happened to them it's still a dark spot on their hearts.

I don't normally match my chucks to my clothes. I wear what pair I feel like. Today I just happened to also be wearing a Kelly green shirt. Today I'm a little extra Irish, a little extra hopeful and a little extra aware of other broken hearts.

We're halfway through Chucktober and I don't see it slowing down. I'm sharing my rainbows.

Chucktober: Day 14

My original post from 2012 was missing from my facebook page. I am unable to share Chucktober Day 14. It was a total bummer to miss a day.

Chucktober: Day 13

 (In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

For anyone not paying attention, Chucktober has turned into an actual sharing of feelings that I didn't anticipate. Last night I had convinced myself that it was okay to stop and just shove everything back into the closet. I went to bed with a heavy heart and still filled with anger. Don't get me wrong, I woke up that way too, but today it's different. I woke up knowing I'm simply not a quitter and I have never stopped working for anything I've ever wanted.

These Chucks are a gorgeous dark pink called raspberry. I bought them about 6 months ago when I thought I'd be pregnant at any moment and was hoping for a girl. I was saving them for when that day came. I think that day is purely theoretical so today I cracked open the box and wore my little girl chucks for the first time. I have hoped and dreamed about a house filled with kids since I started dating my husband. Sometimes what we want and what is aren't compatible and it's time to just put one foot in front of the other. So, here I go. One step at a time.

Unexpected Gifts

Friday night we checked the mail just before we intended to leave for the Grand Canyon. Our jaws hit the floor when we received an unexpected $5,000.00 check from a family member. We have now reached 92% of our fundraising goal. We are at $22,260.00 of our $24,150.00 goal. The love and support we have received is amazing. We are in a position to say yes to any placement opportunity. We are so excited to have met the financial line in the sand to finish this process.
 

Chucktober: Day 12

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

  

These should be my favorites, but they're not. I cannot remember when I got these or who gave them to me, I just know it was someone who is no longer around and that I did not purchase them. These always felt like my magic shoes, like I could fly.

Chucktober: Day 11

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna, These are not for sale)

  

What you see is a plain pair of black chucks. What you see is wrong. These aren't plain black chucks. They are my favorite chucks. They are black canvas with black leather zebra stripes. They are chucks that have been set on fire, drowned in a bathroom flood, temporarily lost and through hell. They are also the first chucks I reach for, the ones I wear the most and also fit me like they were made for my feet, and have long been referred to as my "fire shoes".

These chucks came to live with my Thanksgiving of 2006. I came out to visit my same Thanksgiving friends and stopped at the outlet at State Line just like always. My zebra chucks were sitting and waiting for me on the clearance rack. It was love at first site. I wore them out of the store and continued on my merry way to my friends house.

Charity Morgan, do you remember when we set your backyard on fire? It was that Thanksgiving and we started the outdoor fireplace at the old house. I looked out the back slider and saw that some char had jumped and set the "grass" on fire. I ran out the door and we all started jumping up and down to put it out? Yeah, that was day 2 or so of having these shoes. They looked like they had been worn for years because of the fire and my pinstriping on the soles pulled away. They became my favorites that day and I haven't stopped wearing them since. Isn't it strange how shoes can have so many great adventures?

Chucktober: Day 10

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

We're 1/3 of the way through Chucktober. Has anyone noticed the commonality of my chucks collection yet? These chromatic chucks don't have a story, they're just shiny. Ooooooooooooh shiny.

Chucktober: Day 9 - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

Chucktober Day 9: "The Anniversary Edition". My husband and I eloped. Wedding planning had turned into a much bigger deal than either of us was interested in and man were my feet cold. I told Ben that if he didn't want me to back out that he needed to pick a date and not even tell me when. I wanted a dress and photographer and that was it. A few weeks later we stole away about 20 miles (and only told a few people) and quietly got married in beautiful Ventura. I will give you exactly one guess as to what shoes I was wearing that day (for everything except our 6 minute ceremony). I got ready in those shoes, drove to the beach in those shoes, took photos in those shoes and even wore them for our luxurious private bbq wedding dinner. The people in that restaurant didn't expect to see a lady in a wedding dress show up, but we were starving! I had never been happier, more in love, or so tired. I have learned that it was only the beginning of happiness and that love multiples.

I have been told by my husband that I've been granted a 1 year extension on my contract with additional options to renew. The pretty flowers on my desk are a good faith installment on all the love and effort the next year will require. I am already looking forward to my next renewal...and the one after that...and the one after that. I love you Benjamin, thank you for marrying me and giving my shoes amazing memories. Happy Anniversary!

Chucktober: Day 8

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

 Chucktober Day 8: I like pink. It's my favorite color. Most of my shirts are varying shades of pink. Pink is also a girl color that is hard to find in men's shoes sizes (go figure). These baby pink chucks don't have a story. Instead they have pink star shoe laces and put a smile on my face. It's nice to feel like a girl once in a while.
 

10/7/14 - Yesterday we declined a match

Adoption is often unexpected. Babies come when they damn well please and it's impossible to know when or how. Yesterday turned interesting. I was at the airport waiting for my Mom (a.k.a. Grams) to come visit us when I idly checked facebook. There was a message from a member of our Village about a little boy in need of a family. My heart almost exploded and I got goose bumps, then I kept reading. He is to be born tomorrow, 10/8/14. His estimated agency fees are $30,000.00. We declined the match due to lack of cash on hand. In addition to the $30k in agency fees, we would also be responsible for cross country travel in addition to the regular expenses associated with bringing home a child. The agency fees also would not cover the visits from social workers, finalization, or legal costs after our child comes home to us. We fell short by roughly $3,000. Even though I know that he must not be meant to be ours, my heart screamed all night. I asked my friends and family to please pray for that little boy. He deserves to be loved and adored with a family like ours. I hope that baby goes home to a happy big brother, an ecstatic new momma, and a daddy that would do anything for him. I dreamt of family fun time on the beach and a lifetime of happiness for him. I hope it comes true. I wish he was ours, but he's not. 
 
We have fundraised $17,230.00 so far. We are selling t-shirts and putting all of my converse on eBay. We are hoping to raise awareness about the costs of adoption while we save our pennies and put our dreams together. People all think they know about adoption, but they don't. Can you imagine going to the hospital, having a child, then having to come up with $30,000.00 before you could leave? That's private adoption folks, cash is king, and until we have the right amounts of money and the right situation no child is ours. We knew going into this that adoption is expensive, invasive, and often fails. What we didn't expect was to ever have to say no because we didn't have the jingle in our pockets.

I am sad, but it's made us even more determined. I haven't spoken about it much, but we are in love with someone we've never even talked to directly. We have had our fingers crossed for a month, hoping to hear from Birth Mom #2 again. The situation seemed perfect for us and it put a shiny gold star up in the back of our minds. When a scammer has trolled us, or a birth mom has been dangled, we both say we hope to hear from Birth Mom #2. She isn't due until March and has a very long time to decide what is best for her and her family. Will it be adoption? Will it be parenting? Will it be us? Are we the ones? Is SHE the one? Last night when we chose to say no we did it with the hope that maybe our Birth Mom is already on the edge of our lives. It might just be a fairy tale, but it keeps our hearts warm. Where is our child? We don't know, but we're watching the sky every night, waiting for our shooting stars.

Chucktober: Day 7

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

Chucktober Day 7: These are my Green Eggs and Ham Converse. They were brand new when I originally posted Chucktober in 2012. These shoes didn't have memories associated with them. Now they do.

These are my sons favorite Chucks. He lines my shoes up in a row and plays with them all the time. Right now all my chucks are on the bedroom floor, waiting to be listed on eBay. My son doesn't understand that Momma is selling her shoes. He just knows that we are growing babies in our hearts. We are a strong Seuss family and have most of the books, we read them often. We are serious book lovers, all three of us. These shoes are now associated with my awesome child, my happy family, and the things we've built together. These are among the few pairs that I am not selling. These belong to our entire family, including the members we haven't met yet.

Chucktober: Day 6

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

Chucktober Day 6: (The last few days has been a bit more than I anticipated in the feeling department. Todays post is much lighter). Somehow I had managed to love Converse for half my life and had never bought a plain black pair. most people start here, but my love affair has always been with red. I finally bought these during the buy 1, get 2 free frenzy sale at the outlet. They go with everything and the laces are permanently stained from my son throwing spaghetti noodles at the dog. My chucks are tangible history.

Chucktober: Day 5

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

Chucktober Day 5: It's weird that in the 5 years I spent back in SoCal, I still purchased almost all of my Chucks in Las Vegas (or on the way). These chucks are a souvenir of Thanksgiving 2008 when some McCann newleyweds came out to spend the long weekend with friends. I bought them at my lucky chuck spot, the Converse Outlet at stateline.

That Thanksgiving weekend I realized that nostalgia is not a good reason to continue a friendship and that sharing a hometown with someone doesn't mean you have anything in common. That person is long gone from my life, but gifted me with a much better friend (and person) in Charity Morgan. These chucks get to be a souvenir of realization, friendship, and happily cutting ties that shouldn't bind.

All Converse for Sale can be found by searching Seller ID AnnamonsterAnna

Spread The Love! Octopus Adoption Fundraising Shirts

Adoption Fundraising Shirts

Our adoption fundraising shirts can be found at the link above. There are shirts, sweatshirts and long sleeve options. Sizes XS-XXXL. Prices from under $20. Thanks for checking us out!

Chucktober: Day 4

(In 2012 I posted a pair of my converse daily. I posted memories associated or why I loved them. We are selling my converse collection for adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna)

Chucktober Day 4: In early 2008 I was in love. I was scared, confused and having strange thoughts. I was thinking about forever rather than plotting my exit strategy. I would feel my heart speed up when I thought about him and when he wasn't there I missed him instead of being relieved he was gone. I was one of those nauseating people with little birdies and hearts swirling around their head in animation, you know them, we all want to punch them. In early 2008 I was also about to go to Hawaii.

Do you know how you find out how amazing your friends are? Trap them in a box for 7 days with someone smitten and if they don't kill them by the end, they love the twitterpated idiot. I have proof that Jennifer Young and Michael Baer both love me very much, as they endured a week of hearing me talk about a boy. And sighing about a boy. And constantly saying I missed a boy. And bringing him up unnecessarily roughly every 30 seconds. I probably even mumbled poetry in my sleep. I had an amazing time with my friends in Hawaii, having adventures and enjoying a lot of voluntary slowness. I also did not stop thinking about Ben for more than 90 seconds at a time. By the 3rd day of that trip I knew I was all in. By the 5th day I thought I was going to die. By the 8th day I was so happy to land back at LAX that I almost cried. Of course, I had to act cool about it, but I wanted to tell him I'd be happy to never spend a night apart again.

A few months later Ben told me I was going to marry him. I didn't have much of a response. I tried to negotiate getting everything without scary marriage, but he wouldn't have it. Every time I lobbied for an alternate he calmly informed me that I was going to marry him. Two weeks later I bought my blue hawaiian converse. It memorialized my memories of the Hawaii trip and my realization of the depth of my love. It also gave me the stones to finally tell Benjamin McCann he was right. I was going to marry him.

I said that not all of my Chucks have stories. I think I might be wrong.

Chucktober: Day 3

(In October of 2012, I posted one pair of my Converse collection per day, and included memories associated with those shoes, if any. My Chuck collection is a part of my soul. We are selling my collection as part of our adoption fundraising. Our eBay seller ID is annamonsteranna. Thanks for reading our story and helping us finish our family.) 

Chucktober Day 3: I was a late bloomer. I made poor personal decisions and was inconsiderate of a lot of people. I never stepped on other people maliciously, I didn't realize that there were other options. I had managed to make it through life with very little consequence for bad decisions and it helped create an artificial feeling of invincibility. When I turned 26 I had a get my crap together crisis. I was miserable, I was hateful, and I had finally realized that everything that was wrong with my life was of my own making. I worked very hard at making better choices and becoming a real adult. I wanted to make mistakes and I wanted there to be consequences so I could finally learn how to be an adult. I decided that it was time to make changes and one of those changes was moving back to SoCal.

Things were rough around then. I had about $150 bucks to my name and a Great Dane to take care of. I was walking her in Belmont Shore trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do next, when I saw these in the window. My first thought was that they'd never be big enough for me, but that the blooming was nice for the time. I ducked my head in the door to ask how much since I had Tessa and not only were those pink girl chucks in my size, they were also $4. The next day I was offered a great job and things started to fall into place. So, in the end, all it took was $4 and the love of a dog for me to finally bloom.

Chucktober: Day 2

Chucktober Day 2.

Some of my Chucks have great stories. Some of my Chucks have no stories. Some of my Chucks have stories only interesting to me. These are my Moby Dick Chucks. I refuse to pay retail for these shoes and I never saw the dark purple Chucks for less than $45. I kept my eyes open chasing them for years. Last fall, just after we moved to Las Vegas, I harpooned my whale at the Converse Outlet in Primm (stateline). I walked into a buy 1 get 2 free sale on everything in the store and walked out with 3 pairs of Converse I'd been wanting for years. Dreams do come true kids.

Chucktober: Day 1

 

In 2012 I posted my Converse collection and the memories or joy associated with them. We called it Chucktober and it was a cathartic experience after another second trimester miscarriage. Now, we are selling my collection as part of our adoption fundraising efforts. Thanks for reading our journey.

Anna McCann

October 1, 2012 · ·

Since I decided to do "Chucktober" I have been thinking about what pair I should start with. Should I start it off with a brand new pair for symbolism? Should I pick my favorites to start it on a great note? Should I pick a pair that mean something to me? I actually ended up choosing none of those things and picked a pair that corresponds with someone I love very much.

Today begins my month of wearing my favorite shoes, Converse All Stars, every day for 31 days. However, more importantly, today begins my brother in law's new chapter of life dedicated to service of his country. Today Joey reports to the intake center in San Diego to become a member of the United States Navy. We're proud of you Joseph, and today I wear my stars and stripes collection chucks for you!


http://pages.ebay.com/link/?nav=item.view&alt=web&id=151429456851

How To: Donation Account Setup

How to setup your donation accounts;

1. Pick your bank. Any chain or credit union can do a beneficiary account.

2. Ask for the bank manager or new account manager. Tellers are unlikely to know what you're talking about and say "uuuuuuh" a lot. (I cheated here. I am involved with business banking at several large chains and picked up the phone and called my favorite branch manager when no one in my closest branch could help me).

3. You can either set up your donation account under your personal tax id (social) or you can go online to the IRS and set up a Tax ID/EIN. If your account will be used for your benefit, use your social. If you are going to be custodian of an account to benefit someone else, you probably want to set up and Employer Identification Number. The name EIN is misleading, employer simply refers to anymore than a single person from a business sense.

4. You can either choose to set up a temporary trust for guardianship of the account, or you can sign a statement promising that there is no scam, its not a ponzi scheme, and you promise that you aren't a serious d-bag. Provide copies of your documents (DL, SS, where the donations are coming from). Make your funding deposit, and in 3-7 days per bank policy, your account will be active.
Do not put donation funds into your personal accounts if you can avoid it. It can be regarded as income by the IRS and you'd have quite a time unraveling your personal income streams from your donations revenue. Even though you can verify the donation funds, you'd still be responsible for proving it. Depending on the dollar amount of your donations, you might receive tax documentation. A 1099 with your social is much easier to prove when its attached to a completely separate account.

4. Transfer donation funds electronically. Don't use it as a checking account. When you need funds from your donations, the bank will make out a cashiers check for you. Don't intend to use this account for cash, small transactions, or anything other than direct payments out to the vendors providing adoption services (agency, home study, etc). Donations by check or cash can be made at any branch of the bank chain you chose.

Congratulations, now you've jumped another baby step hurdle in your adoption process. This information can be used for any donation account for any reason. Also, if you have donation funds left, you can roll it over into another account for another donation beneficiary. Any extra funds that we raise will be donated directly to another family who needs financial assistance with the adoption process.

9/24/14

MYTH: Adoption Can't Be Fun.

The adoption process isn't limited to hard work. Some of the hurdles before bringing home your child are downright fun. Anna loves photography. Our house is filled with family photos and prints of shots she's taken over the years. Right now we are compiling our favorites and putting together our Parent Profile. This will be a Shutterfly photo book filled with family photos, pictures of our home, notes about our lives, and even details about our pets. We need to create a practical resume of our family and backgrounds. It's a bit like a high school year book project, but instead of a letter grade, we might catch lightning! If you were adopting, what would you share? What information would you make sure that you included for your perspective birth family?

When Trolls Crawl Out From Under Their Bridges

The unfortunate thing about the internet is the crazy people. There will always be haters, liars, and trolls. There will be anonymous people who are the best of humanity and want to help you. Then there are people who do their worst to take advantage of vulnerable hearts. Birth Mom #3 was more than likely a scammer and a troll. We were prepared for this possibility and knew that its an unfortunate reality than many adopting families face. In any adoption situation everyone needs to fall in love. When you start to interact with someone and red flags start to pop, trust your instincts. If you find yourself in this situation, do you know what to do? Just like with any major life decision, you must make choices with your brain instead of your heart. The steps to protect yourself in the adoption process are very simple.

What To Do If You Get Trolled By A Scammer

1. Never give away any information that isn't a matter of public record. When you meet the right birth mom you will naturally want to talk, but don't give away any private details. Speaking on your emotions is fine, but never give away major information about your finances, personal habits, or frequently visited places in your neighborhood.

2. Do not give a birth mom any money directly unless it's already been approved by your agency and/or attorney. Pretending to be interested in your family and waiting a few days to emotionally heighten the situation, then requesting immediate cash assistance because they need "help", is the most common route for a scammer/fake birth mom to take.

3. Advise your attorney or social worker when a birth mom has contacted you, and let them know if you feel the slightest twinge of doubt or like something is "wrong" in the situation.Take notes on the story you are being told. There are adoption anti-scam groups for adopting families where you can divulge the details of the scam that was tried on you.

4. Do not ever believe the existence of a child before it has been proven. You can be hopeful and you can be optimistic, but in adoption a child in not yours until it's in your arms and the adoption has been finalized.

5. If you have any identifying or contact information for the scammer, file a police report and report the phone number and scam to the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).

Guard those hearts, trust your gut, and your shooting stars will find you.

-A.

Third Birth Mom contacts us

Today is turning out to be a really interesting day. We have had two birth moms contact us previously, only once each, and we didn't hear from them again. That doesn't mean they've discounted us, it simply means they haven't made a decision. The first two birth moms were both in the second trimester. Most adoptions do not solidify until the last few weeks of pregnancy because birth mom has time to consider all her options. She can choose to parent. She can choose other adoptive parents. She can choose to give custody to an agency to place her child for her. At the very end she is likely confident of her choice, and birth mom can make a strong decision. The birth mom that contacted us today gave birth last week. She had chosen parents for her child months ago, and it didn't go as planned. I can't, and won't, give details of her journey, but it's not fair and its not filled with love.

Our McCann Family Adoption Journey has just started to hit the emotional risk portion of the adventure. I need to make sure we're all strapped in tight. Adoption should be supportive and genuine. Everyone that is involved in the equation should be comfortable, happy, and sure of their choices. This is the part where I ask you to support people you know going through adoption. More often than not the average family prepares for a pregnancy for about 7 months. An adoptive family using a private agency will wait an average of 18-36 months from their date of inquiry for their child come home to them. An adoptive family using a public agency will wait an average of 3-6 years, however this varies widely based on preferences and metro area. A birth mom independently choosing an adoptive family can take anywhere from a few days to many years. 7 months of planning would be wonderful, but that's not in our stars. We will just jump when it's time to jump. Please be gentle to the people who are waiting, and the birth moms who need help while they figure it out. Neither of them knows how long it will take to find the right people. My sister in law, "T", told me that in her family they like to say that family is a nice soft place to land. I have not forgotten it, because it's how it should be. Make your friends your family, and love them when they need it. 

Is it today? Maybe.

-A.

9/19/14

Adoption Orientation Class at Catholic Charities starts in a few hours. I'm excited. We are getting ourselves ready to jump when a birth Mom says go. Even though we are trying to find a birth mother match outside of an agency, and adoption agency must be involved in all adoptions in Nevada. They facilitate the home studies and background checks prior to placement and complete once a month wellness checks while you wait for your adoption finalization. They make sure all the contracts are in line, that your court filings are timely, and that you are caring for the child's best interests. The down side is that they charge fees for this, however the fees are hugely reduced when birth Mom match is independent. I will share every inch of this journey with you, including how much it ends up costing us from start to finish. 

After orientation I have a meeting with the social worker who has the most experience with accepting private independent placement. We will have a chat about getting our ducks in a row to ensure that we are able to accept placement when the opportunity comes to us. There are specific rules and they offer differ from state to state. I also need some questions clarified to make sure that I have my information correct;

TO CONFIRM

1. Adoption plans can be put into place at any stage in pregnancy. Once a birth mom gives us a definite yes, we can put it on paper. Once we put it on paper, it enables us to do things like make sure the baby is covered under our health insurance at birth, as well as legally declares that we will be responsible for all costs associate with the child and delivery. Assistance plans and helping birth Mom get back on her feet are often covered. It says a lot of other stuff too, but us voluntarily declaring responsibility is the only part we're concerned about. 

2. In Nevada, our adoption home study application must be in process prior to accepting a placement. In a typical agency match adoption, that process is about 6 months long because there is lots of wait time. In our situation, where we are actively marketing and trying to self match with a birth mother, the home study needs to be in process so we are ready to go. The home study process can be finished in as little as a month, however we are still required to take 6 weeks of parenting classes. We don't have to take the classes if a birth mother chooses us independently.

We have had great success with our fundraising. In two weeks we've raised $14,728.00, which is 60% of our goal. It is a surreal feeling to know that so many people think you are an excellent parent and wants you to raise more excellent little people. A local artist and I are trying to figure out how to put together an art sale fundraiser. Our reach on the internet is growing just a bit each day, and opportunities for cross promotion and marketing are coming in. I haven't yet figured out we'll finish this, but I have faith and confidence that we will raise exactly how much we need. We've had large donations, tiny donations, and everything in the middle. From our heads to our toes, thank you for every McFrothy you didn't buy just to throw some extra nickels our way. We are thankful. We are grateful. We are loved.

Check back in this weekend, after we get some of our questions clarified, and have more information to share.

We're McCanns, not McCan'ts.

-A.

Why Does Adoption Make Everyone Uncomfortable?

Why does adoption make people uncomfortable?  Guest Blog for @AmericaAdopts 9/16/14

Hi Friends. I was excited when America Adopts extended the invitation to write a guest blog. I am passionate about adoption. I am looking forward to sharing my mind, heart, and ideas. I am adopted. I am a birth mother. I will complete the adoption triad as an adoptive mother. Thank you for the opportunity to show you another blogger’s perspective.

I am adopted. I’ve been having conversations about adoption for my entire life. Adopted children are natural ambassadors. We know what we experience, what we think, what we feel. We also know that people often have misconceptions about things they don’t understand. When I was young I was often asked about my “real” parents. I had other children ask me why my mom didn’t “want” me. I was told that my parents could never love me since I wasn’t “theirs”. Have you noticed all the quotation marks yet? Those statements were made in ignorance, and at every opportunity I have educated, promoted, and changed opinions one person at a time. My “real” parents are the people who put on my band-aids and changed my diapers. They taught me to ride a bike, made my lunches, and stayed up all night when I was sick. I was “wanted” more than anything. I was loved beyond reason or logic. No differently than a biological child. I was “theirs” from the moment I was born. The people who believe that love requires biology are the same people who don’t stop to bat an eyelash at social norms like blended families, step-parents, and half siblings. Families most often are chosen from love. For most families that comes about in simple biological creation. For some families, growing takes Dr.’s and test tubes. For others, growing in love means waiting for adoption.

I opened this questions up to my friends and family. I asked them why adoption makes people uncomfortable and what they have experienced themselves. Many friends told me that adoption doesn’t make them uncomfortable, but the situations surrounding it might. They are comfortable talking to an adult about being adopted. They are comfortable talking about a child who has been adopted. They get squeamish when it comes to discussing the process of adoption itself. Why do we feel the hard work part should be a secret? Because we don’t understand. People are trained to be unobtrusive about personal details. We’re taught it’s rude to ask questions. We’re taught to ignore anything outside of our comfort level. When you find out someone is going to adopt, does that mean there is a health problem? Does that mean they can’t have “real” children? Do you feel sorry for them? When most people don’t know what to do they simply do nothing.

Adoption rips open the shutters on comfort levels. It challenges ignorance and gives us a platform to educate, promote, and support. It makes people afraid to be confident or ask questions. It stops friends and family from bolstering their loved ones during the process. Adoption makes people afraid to get involved people it is outside their everyday comfort zone. Every family needs a village. We have chosen to publicly document our adoption journey in an effort to bring up the comfort level and heal some ignorance.

An average family has a pregnancy and 9 months later they bring home a child. You plan and prepare, purchasing supplies and being excited. Families who adopt have their entire lives analyzed. Their finances are checked. Their Dr.’s must make health statements. Their homes are examined. They have to take parenting classes and attend orientation meetings. Social workers counsel them to deem them worthy of raising a child, regardless of how many children are already in the home. Adopting parents have to have letters from their employers, prove their ability to provide health insurance, and complete background investigations. They must pay cash for home inspections and after placement they have to pay for social workers to come observe until adoption is finalized. Adoptive families jump through endless hoops for the dream of raising a child. These choices are made out of love, exactly as if your heart grew big from two little lines on a pregnancy test. When adopting, the right heart must find you. The birth mother must be confident. She must know that her child is your child. She has to feel the electricity and realness of it crackle in her bones. Adoptive parents don’t know when their birth mother will find them and their child will come to them. They just keep their hearts and arms open wide to catch their shooting star.  

Adoption is a gift for many people. It’s a gift for the mothers and fathers to be. It’s a gift for the child. It’s a gift for the birth mother who wants the best out of a less than ideal situation. Adoption has been a cultural normalcy for all of human evolution. Children have been absorbed into non biological families since the very first parents died and left their child an orphan. I don’t know when the tides turned and adoption became a shameful secret. Being different became lamented and ignorance became voluntary. Celebrate gifts. Adoption is like oddly timed Christmas. It’s exciting and it’s very different for each person who experiences it. Remember, Kids, we’re all special snowflakes…just like everyone else.

Adopting families need your love. They need your kind words. They need your donations. Public adoption has long wait times and many heart breaks. It is the only option for most homes due to average financial status. The median cost of private adoption is $25,000-$35,000. Averting your eyes doesn’t make the number lessen, it simply means that family is left to pick up those costs entirely on their own. Second mortgages and personal loans are some of the common resolutions to pay for a process that is much closer to free for a biological family. Fundraising for adoption gets visceral reactions and negativity because it causes discomfort again. Why? They ask how could a family adopt if they can’t pay for it on their own? How could they ask for help for a huge household expense? I see it differently. They can pay for it themselves, they just shouldn’t have to. Can you imagine being financially punished for a biological cause? Would you buy a gift for a baby shower? Would you help a friend purchase a crib? Be part of any village that is choosing to bring home a child. Ask them about their journey. Love them through the trials and celebrate the tribulations. Help them.

Adoption makes people uncomfortable because they don’t understand it. The way to become comfortable is to start conversations, be loud, and support families who grow in their hearts instead of their tummies. Educate yourselves, and talk to families that have completed the adoption process. Adoption doesn’t mean anyone is less or not “real”. In fact, it means they are being raised with love and intention by people who wanted them more than anything. Being uncomfortable does not celebrate the beauty of the adoption triad. Bolster the spirits of adopting families, cheerleaders are few and far between.

Adoption makes people uncomfortable because they choose silence. Choose to speak. Choose to be loud. Choose to love.

-A.